I know nothing....

What happens when you pay attention?

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Enemy Territory
So, it is another Sunday morning and I was in the usual irritable state. We went to church for 10:30 Mass and in my nervy state, the whole thing was a trial. A look around revealed, as usual, that I was likely the only one who felt this way, so I endured and prayed about the whole situation.

What came to me during the prayers was some bit of G.K. Chesterton or C.S. Lewis, about the world as enemy territory. It allowed me to approach my own suffering from the perspective of the psalmist who longs for home while in captivity. I am grateful to have my fiancee with me and our families and friends. In such a state, I think about how it might have felt to be captive in a foreign land, or a refugee from one's own world. Sometime it seems nothing you can do or have the energy to do would be enough to improve the situation. The only thing to do sometimes is to just endure, remembering that the promised land is still there, eternal, joyful, full of light, and just in every way. In this current state, though, we are captives who, as sinners called to be saints, do our best and await the time of our release. We long for a Moses, even if we must be the complaining masses who wander in the desert wishing for the security of our captivitiy, being saved despite ourseves and all our faults.

Sometimes we march onward, confident of victory, and other times in doubt that we can acheive anything of worth at all. It's so odd that we should seek to escape this world while at the same time seeking to do better by it. We love this world and we look forward to the next, but we are largely filthy and seek to be clean. We need to be washed, but the filth is familiar. I know that being clean means being fully open to the real world and I hesitate. I know the healing waters to be good but I know the shower will be brisk and stimulating. The mortal frame seeks rest for healing, but will rest ever be enough? No, it won't.

Comfort came today from the loving sqeeze of my fiancee. Her love and her touch are the vehicle of a greater love from the greatest conforter, the perfect doctor, and the most Holy Family.

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